Forgiveness

There are times in your life when someone wrongs you or does something that hurts you. Whether it is on purpose or if it is something that you just don't like, you end up being hurt. What's worse is that you encounter something similar to what has happened in the past that hurt you, you associate that situation with the current one and you just can't let go of it. It starts to eat you inside and everytime you think about it, you end up becoming more bitter. This bitterness seems to drive you to think about it some more and it is a vicious never ending cycle of bitterness and these thoughts. Of course the simple answer is to forgive the person just like how each one of us have been forgiven by God numerous times. Sometimes it is very hard to just let go of the pass and forgive those who have wronged you. Perhaps it is because I'm one of those types who hold onto things and tend not to let go of it, especially if it was something that hurt a lot. I guess that's why I'm so careful in certain things and need to protect myself from re-encountering those feelings. I can honestly say that there are several people in my life that I have yet to forgive. It could be that I'm not earnestly trying to forgive these certain people as a means to remind me of the hurt that I've been through so that I don't encounter it again. But what isn't fair for others is that when something that I've associated with the past occurs in the present, then I have these bitter feelings towards these new individuals. I guess it is my way to prevent the hurt and pain. It is when you are suppose to learn to deal with it that really gets me upset. When you have no choice and you feel trapped that you have to be forced to forgive or things will not ride smoothly. I guess I'm not humble enough to admit my faults and that I'm wrong. What's even worse on top of all these things is that I want to be forgiven for my wrongdoings towards others when I can't even forgive others for their wrongdoings towards me. Perhaps I'm more hard-headed and stubborn than I thought. --couldn't sleep since 2:00am